selfdiver.com

Escaping from the abstract useless thoughts of my last post I want to direct my attention to my English. Where to start from? My level. How proficient am I in English? While I’m looking for any system that eventually could give some metrical view to my abilities questions have arisen - is that useful, will I not focus more to the measurement than to the language use?

That’s right! The use of language. I’m no longer in school. The most important thing is the fluency. I have a lot of interruptions when I start to express myself in English. Even right now I’ve opened the dictionary looking for the meaning of “fluency”. It came to my mind at first but after that I had to check its meaning out not because I didn’t know it. I was not quite sure. It seems that if I know the word meaning but not entirely I am going to waste almost the same time to check it out just like if I never have heard of that word. And what about the grammar? Tenses, conditional sentences. Idioms and phrasal verbs. And many other things that I even can’t remember now. The good thing is that I have some confidence. It’s very small but quite enough and makes me feel comfortable to read some basic explanations of grammar and so on.

Yeah, this blog seems to become a bin of my thoughts in English. And why not?! If it works for me let it be a bin. And if I can recycle anything from the waste into a useful tool I will continue. Again that abstract line of thinking and never ending desire to be an original one. Look at my domain name! Selfdiver!!! It’s not even an existing word! It combines two existing words waiting for some admiring like “Oh what a beautiful new word comes to our English Universe! You are so nice and fresh!” That’s a part of me. Bigger part. Sometimes I like it but sometimes I feel it’s going to eat me. It always wants to be original no matter what it takes and who will be hurt or annoyed. It wants its fifteen minutes of glory. Most of the time. And it consumes part of my time to train myself in some discipline and consistence. This is what really misses in my portfolio. Discipline. Without it I will never grow up! Is that possible to be creative and disciplined at the same time? Why not try both of them?! My creativity will keep my interest while my tiny little discipline will keep the course of my journey and put me back on it when I spontaneously divert my attention to every attractive thing that wastes my time.

So many branches I have to jump at in this jungle. Branches and their count are less important. Jumping is more important. Let me jump here!

It took me a couple of days before I dare to write my first post. I was nervous and insecure. Did I really have to write anything out there? Could I say anything useful to the potential audience? Do I have a talent? Is my English good enough? I felt that If I continue asking questions only and not giving them even a slight response my mind is going to be blocked. I realize that each of these questions couldn’t get a constant and sufficient answer. I think they just need some food. Questions I mean. I imagine them like flowers in a garden. They need water, light, minerals. If they are being fed they will be fresh and I even enjoy them. Otherwise they are going to rot converting my mind into very unpleasant and scary place to stay.

Writing this post I didn’t answer to any of above mentioned questions. I just give them some food and keep them fresh. They are the flowers in my garden.

Ivan

Dear Reader,

Welcome to my personal blog! I will try to write at least one post a week here. My idea is to train and improve my English skills and myself too. This is a place where I will note my ups and downs. So it will be sort of a personal development blog focused at English learning at first. If you are either a native English speaker, or just better than me don’t hesitate to leave your critical comments about my writing style, grammar and improper use of words. I will appreciate it.

Well the blog is open for all of you nevertheless your English or life skills. If you find something interesting to comment you are welcome! I just need an interaction. In English, please!

Ivan